For this week, I thought I’d revisit a past post. One that I still receive comments about. In it, I share about body shame—a topic I know so many women and men are currently struggling with. Hope you find this post inspiring.
I got inspired at a 4th of July pool party because I found myself completely comfortable in my bikini and not self-conscious at all.
If that ain’t a victory, I don’t know what is!
I remember, not so long ago, actually passing on social events like going to the beach, or the pool, or even something that required wearing shorts because I was so ashamed and embarrassed by my body.
I thought my breasts were too small, my butt too big and my lower half just had WAY too much cellulite. So, I chose to stay home and hide.
I kept myself small. I was oppressing myself and dimming my own light because of the immense shame, guilt and self-loathing I felt.
I’m sure many of you have felt the same. And, I’m here to tell you I understand exactly what you are feeling and to let you know that FREEDOM is possible.
I can already hear some of you saying, “Well, if I had your body I wouldn’t be self-conscious in a bikini either.”
Here’s the deal. I’m going to be completely honest. That sort of thinking is a trick of your ego and will continue to keep you small, limited and staying EXACTLY where you are right now.
So, if you are happy with EXACTLY where you are right now, great. But, if you’re not, keep reading.
I’ve had women attend my workshops who are anywhere from just over 100 lbs. to way over 200 lbs. And, you know what, the issue is still EXACTLY THE SAME for both! Because that issue is inside our minds.
That saying “Don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes,” is true for a reason. You have no idea what someone has been through or is going through, especially when it comes to their body.
So, this week I invite you to remember that every time you go to compare your body to someone else’s. That person may be smaller than you, but they may also be completely miserable for reason’s beyond your comprehension.
I also invite you to stretch out of your comfort zone in honor of experiencing life. Say YES to fun, even if that means having to wear shorts or a tank top. You don’t have to go straight for the bikini. Even baby steps count!
The point is to tackle the fear that is built up inside you. The fear that other’s are going to judge you or that you will be seen as (heaven-forbid) not perfect.
FACT: The fear is always worse than actual reality. My guess is that you’ll find that no one is even looking at your body because they are too concerned about their own.
And, by facing your fear, what if you actually have A DARN GOOD TIME!? What if you actually move beyond the insecurity and experience joy and pleasure?
Maybe you feel alive from the cold water on your skin, or the heat from the sun on your thighs that haven’t seen the light of day since you were 12!
You know, if I had a boyfriend I was ashamed of and wanted to keep hidden from my “life”, I probably wouldn’t have a boyfriend for very long. No one likes to be kept a secret. Right?
Imagine how your body feels! She hasn’t done anything wrong.
So, let her out to shine! Take a big leap and face that fear. You can do it sista! And, if you need extra support, ask a friend to do it with you.
Ladies, we gotta start supporting each other and seeing the beauty that we already are!
Ok. That’s your BIG assignment this week. I really really want to hear from you on this one. I have a feeling some big reactions are being stirred right now.
One last thing. Before you completely poo-poo this and say NO. Ask yourself why? Do you not deserve to feel joy? Pleasure? Do you not deserve to experience life?
bret jones says
Hi Amber, I enjoyed your post, I love your outlook! I have scars which i am quite self-conscious of and i am more overweight than i was when i was in my prime, even though I’m only a 24 year old male. But posts like yours are what we need more of! they encourage you to get down the gym, try and be more active and start making proactive changes! Thank you!
Amber Krzys says
Dear Bret: Thank you so much. I so appreciate your honesty and I’m so glad you are finding value in this post. Coming into acceptance of our body – the way it is – can be so challenging. And, rewarding. What if your scars could represent survival or healing or something like that? Sometimes a simple reframe can open us to even more loving and compassion. That’s really what it’s about. So lovely to connect with you. Amber
Amber, thanks for the post.
In my brief 24 year history, I have never felt as ashamed of my body as I have now. 3 years ago, when I weighed 70lbs more, I actually felt more beautiful, but in reality I have never been as healthy as I am now. My body is capable of so much: I run for miles and I am amazed every time I do my yoga practice. The loose skin is what gets to me.
This morning I decided that I don’t want to hide myself anymore: tomorrow I want to show myself to my partner, fully. Your post gave me the little extra necessary encouragement to face my ultimate fear and see what happens. This body is part of me.
So yes, thank you.
Amber Krzys says
Dear Marry: I’m so glad you this post made a difference for you. And, I really acknowledge your courage and your willingness to be seen – to allow your body to be good enough today. It’s incredibly inspiring. Sending you so much love. Amber
I am so embarrased of my body; especially being intimate with my boyfriend. I always feel that if he were to see me completely nude, that he would get grossed out. I’m so sick of feeling like this. I feel like the people I work with say negative comments about my body. I know the issue is me…just don’t know how to get over it.
Amber Krzys says
Dear Lisa: I so appreciate your heart and your honest sharing. I really hear the suffering and pain that’s taking place inside. I’ve been there myself. Boy, if you can make the call I’m leading on March 31st, that would be so good for you. I’m going to be talking about all of these things you bring up. You can sign up for the free call at http://feelgoodinyourbikni.com. I hope to hear you then!
Just sending some love and gratitude for this wonderful post, really enjoyed the content and vibe, I was bulimic and a body self hater for years, I’m now over my eating disorder, gym beating my body in to unhealthy shapes and general self hate, but the next step is stepping in to my fear around others judgments, I’m off on a bikini hol with some friends soon and is the first time since my recovery and healthier body weight gain (which includes the orange peel thighs☺️) and I’m excited and scared to embrace my insecurity and let the joy in!!!!! So many thanks again for your amazing and supportive work
Amber Krzys says
Dear Kim: I so acknowledge you for your courage to heal your own body story and share yourself so fully and vulnerably here and with others. Such a powerful way to be of service. I really hear you regarding the next opportunity for deepening in your healing – going out and allowing your skin to be seen! AND, I so applaud your choice to stand in ‘my body is enough today’. That is the point of power. This moment. The truth is, YOU are so much more than your body. YOU have so much more to offer the world – your friends, family and those who haven’t even met you yet.
I shared a blog post with a quote by Mother Teresa. It says: Mother Teresa didn’t walk about complaining about her thighs. She had shit to do. That post may also support you in your choice to let your skin shine. You can read it here: http://www.bodyheart.com/2014/09/23/this-was-offensive-to-some/
I’m sending you so much loving as you continue your body love journey.
Hi Amber loved your video a lot.
I go to this boys house every week pretty much with to other boys one my ex and one that I like and one that is just my friend. They all hop in the pool with no shame but I just put it off and say that I forgot my bathers :/ I know I sound stupid. I’m not overweight I just don’t have abs or anything like that. I would love to go in the pool with them but I am to self conscious ?
Please help xxx
I enjoyed ur blog I am 13 and all my friends are skinny I just want to be that and not have this extra fat thank u this has encouraged me to get to the gym and go for a run