Warning: This post was incredibly uncomfortable to share. It’s very personal and vulnerable. I share it with the intention to inspire and support you in living more fully into what’s possible – for all of us.
I just returned from an amazing trip to New York City.
What’s unusual about this trip was that it was NOT business related at all. It was a treat to myself for my birthday.
I stayed at a fancy hotel with a view of Central Park. I saw shows, saw friends, went to brunch, walked leisurely through Central Park, went shopping…AND paid for it all by myself.
That felt incredible.
In fact, when I checked into my room and looked out the window—directly across from me was the building where I temped at a law firm when I lived in NYC 13 years ago.
I was a struggling actress working a day job barely making $20K per year…dreaming of living the “good” life.
And, now, here I was (am). Living. That. Dream. Consistently making in a month what I was making in a year then.
How cool is that? This is a full circle moment.
You may be surprised to know that just a mere 18 months ago I couldn’t have treated myself in this way. I was in major credit card debt ($30K), constantly trying to get out from under that weight and pressure. I was trying to take my business to the next level, pay my mortgage, serve others, live a joy-filled life…all the while struggling and hating myself for getting into that position.
I felt cursed. Often hopeless and definitely like a fraud.
So, what turned it around? Three things actually.
1 – COMMIT IN FULL
I had been working a part-time job two days a week for a number of years – earning enough to cover my basic necessities. It was my security. It was money I knew I had every month. And that gave me a sense of peace…but it also gave me a lot of frustration.
It wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. It was mindless work that took me away from what I really wanted to be doing – helping others through bodyheart.
In reality, it was my crutch. It allowed me to continue to play out the belief that I couldn’t do it on my own. That I was not capable.
The image I like to use to describe these years:
It was like I was a bird trying to take flight. My right wing flapping like crazy trying to get off the ground – wondering “Why can’t I fly? What am I doing wrong?”. Only to look around (a few years later) and discover that my left wing was holding firmly to the ground. Afraid to let go.
When I realized this, I knew it was time to go. It was time to take the leap and commit in full to bodyheart. To be ALL in.
This was terrifying for me… BUT I figured, if I failed miserably, the worst that would happen is I’d have to move home and live with my parents. Not ideal, but I wouldn’t be out on the street.
And, at the very least, I would know I had given it my all…and it just wasn’t meant to be.
Fortunately, that is not the case. Turns out, taking that leap was one of the absolute best decisions of my entire life. I now get to do what I love and serve fully in my practice – be it with my private clients, group clients, speaking gigs, on this blog and more.
Let me be clear – I am not advocating you leave your “day” job. This is my journey and I’m sharing what supported me.
Let me also be clear, that leaving that job wasn’t the trick. It was only the first step. The next and probably most impactful was…
2 – WORKING WITH A PROFESSIONAL COACH
This was another really scary moment for me. How could I justify paying to work with a coach when I was being “eaten alive” by credit card interest rates and high balances? How could I possibly do that?
Deep down, the real question was – how could I NOT do that?
I had done all I knew to get bodyheart to where it was at that point, so if I wanted it to be even better, I needed additional support. I bit the bullet and paid the fee to start working with a coach.
Another decision that fits into the “Best Decision Ever” category.
I’m serious. Through working with my coach I started to understand my own value. I formed a new relationship with money. I started to understand what it meant to be a leader and how to truly serve others. In fact, I experienced a whole different level of what service really means and looks like.
Powerful. So powerful that I am continuing to work with my coach now.
I’m so inspired by all I’ve learned and experienced, I’m passing it along to 10 special women in my 6-month Coaching Immersion Adventure! This program is designed specifically for female coaches and service-based professionals to support you in taking your business to the next level. If you would like more information, send me an email right here.
The last and final step for my upgrade on life was and continues to be…
3 – TAKE NEW AND DIFFERENT ACTION
I didn’t really love this one – especially in the beginning. This one was/is about taking action that feels uncomfortable. Doing the things that you don’t feel good at. The things that feel scary.
This is another reason why working with a coach is so valuable. Working with my coach, I had to do it. And when I was afraid I couldn’t, I had someone else guiding me, reminding me I could do it and that it would get easier.
This may surprise you, but I was very afraid of working with clients 1:1 in the beginning. It felt heavy and far more intimate than what I thought I could handle. I mean, who was I to work with someone that deeply? Who was I to think I had the capabilities to support someone at that level?
Looking back now, I laugh. Oh the silly things we tell ourselves to keep us safe & playing small!
Turns out I absolutely LOVE working with people one-on-one. Supporting them in bridging the gap from where they are to where they want to be.
I adore my clients. It’s an honor and a privilege to know them and support them in such a deep, intimate way.
But, I never would’ve known that had I not taken new and different action – and kept doing taking new and different action. Even when it was highly uncomfortable.
Upleveling your life isn’t for the weak and weary. It takes commitment, determination and support. (Tweet It Out!)
If you are in a moment of struggle – be it with your own career or finances or weight or relationship, are you willing to give yourself a glimmer of hope from my story? More importantly, are you willing to take on one or all of the steps I share above?
Tell me in the comments. I want to hear from you. What struck you most from reading this blog? What new and different action can you take today? How can you be ALL IN in whatever you are wanting?
As always, I appreciate you and so value your presence in this community.
With loving,
Amber
I’ve had a few of those “full circle” whoa-how-did-I-get here moments too and, indeed, they feel like flying. From one fellow West Virginia girl to another…CONGRATS! Xo
Dear Emily: Thank you so much. I love connecting with this community – especially fellow West Virginians. Um…can I tell you, I just checked out your website and I’m so grateful you are delivering your message to the world. Your book launch video is so touching and inspiring. Congratulations on your success and your full circle moments too. Love, Amber
I think what is hitting me most in all of this is the first step you took: leaving your day job. I really love my job, but I know it’s not what I want to do forever. I believe I have been called to it for now, but I also believe that sharing my message of healthy relationships and self-love is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Yesterday I had my evaluation and my boss asked me if I felt ownership of our ministry. I told him I felt committed, but ownership felt different to me. When I was done with work for the day, I then spent five hours in the evening doing work for my side business. And of course, it didn’t even feel like work. So I’m pretty torn. I don’t think it’s time for me to leave quite yet. But I also know that my capacity is limited until I do.
I’m okay with the uncertainty for now…but your story definitely resonated with me.
Dear Akirah: I so appreciate what you share. The great news is that you do have a job that you enjoy that is supporting you as you build the business of your dreams. I trust your inner guidance to tell you when it’s time to leave. I suspected for a long time I needed to leave mine, but I wasn’t ready…until I was ready. In the meantime, serve that community to the best of your ability, as that job is a gift at this time. Sending you lots of love. Amber
As always, your posts are always so serendipitous for me 🙂 I’m about to make a major leap in my life and this was the extra inspiration I needed! What screamed at me here were 2 things- to commit in FULL and to take new and different action. Its so scary- but I can feel it in my bones that it must be done. I’m so, so tired of playing small! Thanks for sharing your experience and showing us that it really IS possible to achieve your dreams.
Dear Lilly: It’s my pleasure to support and inspire you to be ALL IN in your own life. Thank you for reading and posting. Love, Amber
Thanks Amber for sharing. It gives me hope for my own business. Pray for me.
Dear Kendra: You are so welcome. I’m so glad this post resonated with you. And, I invite you to continue being in action. Getting ALL IN and taking new and different action. That will serve you for sure. Light and love to your dreams fulfilled. xoA
I’ve been a huge fan of yours, your messages, videos, programs and the entire Body Heart movement for a while now. Thank you for always sharing your thoughts so candidly with us. What struck me the most from reading this blog post is your tenacity and the fact that you never gave up on your dream. Back in 2012, I developed a business that I know is in line with my life’s purpose and my passion. I can connect with these women on their level and in a way that helps them navigate a negative, painful situation. The issue I’ve run into, from a business standpoint, is that I’m dealing with an extremely impoverished community. In the past two years, this business has made less than what I make in 1 paycheck at my (un-fulfilling) 9-5 job. Recently, I’ve debated putting aside this project and pursuing another passion in a different niche. Your blog has inspired me to explore other options. You’ve inspired me to keep my eyes open for out of the box opportunities that can help fund my original passion project. Thanks so much for the inspiration!
Dear Rosanne: Sounds like you are creating some much needed work in the world. I support you in keeping your eyes open and thinking out of the box for opportunities that can fund your passion project. And, you never know…maybe following another passion is the secret sauce that will end up funding your main passion? Maybe they could align in someway – a for profit with a non-profit arm. Or a for profit that is socially conscious and gives back to your passion project? Just an idea. Thank you for reading, sharing and being a part of this community. I’m so glad you are here. Love, Amber
Amber I love this post!
I cannot agree with you more! After a year and a half of having the
Crutch of a second job while building up my buisness I too knew that I had to bless and release it and take a leap of faith. I knew that if I can bank on anything I better be able to bank on myself! I loved the tips that you give and I completly recognize how those exact changes of working with a coach, and taking a new direction were vital for me to establish a successful buisness and tap into my natural gifts while fostering growth for leadership. Thank you for sharing your story as vulnerable as it may have been it really aided me in knowning that I wasn’t the only one who had been through similar circumstances.
Dear Jamila: Congratulations on your success – your courage to leave your crutch and take new action. I’m so glad it’s paying off for you. I appreciate you reading, commenting…and allowing me to celebrate you too! Love, Amber
Amber
Your post is brilliant. It clearly demonstrates your willingnesss to live authentically, post and share very raw, and be the inspiration for yourself and all of the people you so magically serve in the world. I love your sharing about our “side” business being our crutch. I relate to this so fully and wholly. I have known you for years and for me upon completing our degree at USM, this was exactly what I had in my mind “I have this trade to fall back upon if I need it.” The very essence of me having that in my mind created the space for me to do just that. Now granted, this served me very powerfully to live and travel through the world on my soul journey’s, however I always knew I would return to the “work” I am here to do in the world. So, as I read this from you this morning, it was such a simple reminder of holding myself, my inner knowing and my soul to the higher standard I know I am capable of and doing. I LOVE the vulnerability of your post and you truly share from a space of both body and soul heart. Thank you for you wisdom in the world and in my opinion, truly living and breathing a life beyond comfort, for I see it in your actions and I see it in the love you get to share with others in the world. Keep shining your light sister and may our world’s continue to connect and cross in the magic of serving the world with the wisdom of our soul; giving others the chance to awaken to their inner genius!
Dear Aaron: What a surprise and beautiful gift to see you here. I love hearing your story – and the similarities with mine. The knowingness that this job isn’t THE job or your heart’s work and still having gratitude for all it has given you. AND, yes, that voice – your heart’s voice – is still in there. I trust your inner guidance will let you know when it’s time to be ALL IN. Thank you for your continued support over the years. It means so much to me. PS: Do not underestimate all you connect with and serve on your journey – through your travels, your poems and photos. Just sayin’. xoA
I resonated with working with a coach. With all the activity going on in my life and being the CEO of my home, it never occurred to me that living and doing by ultimate dream could include my receiving help, support and guidance through a coach! WOWZEE!
Dear Jules: Woman, I so hear you! Having that awareness and then the courage to go forward and work with a coach has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. If you are open to talking, I’m happy to share all the areas it’s affected for me. Let me know if you are interested. Love, Amber
This gives me SO much hope, more than words can adequately describe. Thank you so much for getting vulnerable with us.
After a tumultuous grad school experience, I was determined to make it work in that city. Both my partner and I had just graduated but we were living on my savings and the rest of his loan money. We made it through summer by working numerous part-time jobs (me 2, him 3) and getting on food stamps. He eventually found a job in NYC (our dream!) and I followed a few months later. This whole time my inner voice was saying “But you don’t want a job. That’s why this feels so hard. You aren’t meant for a 9-5. That’s not your calling.” But with student loan payments due, never mind living expenses…well you know.
Shortly after moving to NYC, I was made a job offer. A part of me was hesitant to take it – something felt off – but I had the option to be part-time, would have health benefits, and it would be steady pay. I too it…and two months later got laid off.
The very day I lost my job, I received news that three of the conference proposals I submitted had been accepted. My partner received a raise. Everything was saying “this is it – its time.” SO I leapt and I’m still mid-air, half afraid that the penny is going to drop at any point, and loving every second.
Inn the six months I’ve been in NYC, I’ve built up more community, connections, and mentors than in two years in the prior city. Ever day I have moments of “HOLY SHIT I’M LIVING MY DREAM.” So happy you get to experience that too.
xoxo
Dear Kait: I so acknowledge you for following your heart and creating community in NYC. Congratulations on your conference proposals. That’s very exciting. Light ahead to you as you continue your journey. Celebrating your “Holy Shit I’m Living My Dream” moment too. Thank you for sharing. Love, Amber
Amber, I loved this post. So honest and raw. I think the hardest thing to be open about is money. So much of who we are gets wrapped up in the concept of money…our worth, belief in success/failure etc. Thank you for opening up and thank you for sharing this with so many people.
xo,
Kit
Dear Kit: Oh my goodness. I love seeing you here. It’s been a long time. Thank you so much for celebrating this moment with me. I so agree with you that money is such a touchy subject – filled with so much doubt, fear, shame, envy, etc. And, talking about it – in both places (debt and abundance) is so healing. I appreciate you taking the time to read this post and share your love. I hope you are doing really well. xoA
I love love love this! I am so happy for you and inspired by you. A shining example of vulnerability indeed! Sending you a big, virtual,congratulatory hug 🙂
Dear Megan: Thank you. So. Much. I receive your hug and send one right back. xoA
Amber … I love this post. I’m so happy to hear this. And I absolutely raise a glass to you, your success, your New York celebrating your new reality, and to your mission in general.
Really great points in this article. Thanks for sharing your success story. xoxo
Dear Cris: Thank you so much for celebrating with me. I so appreciate you reading and commenting. I hope you and Emerson are thriving. xoA
Amber – You have amazing timing. First, your post a few weeks back about how progress involves risk – I was feeling stuck, trying to get my business started but being so exhausted by the time I got home from my full time job that I could barely muster the energy to eat, let alone make progress! And that post was (one of many) signs to me, that led to today – my last day at that “real” job. I’m so happy and excited (and scared crapless but hey). And this was just a great encouragement. Thank you!
Dear Tif: I so appreciate your share and the timing on all of this. Congratulations on your last day. Light ahead to ease, grace and prosperity as you stand more fully in the business and life you want. Love, Amber
Wow Amber, thanks for this. I can SO relate. Been trying to build my business for 3 years and I am in exactly the same place you described (same amount of debt, same part time job pulling me away from what I really want to be doing) And yet terrified to let go of that security, mainly because I have 2 kids to support and I have found that the energy of “neediness” has repelled clients in the past. And yet… I long to be free and serving and thriving. Since I took on the part time work I’ve been enrolling more clients, so I attribute that to knowing my needs are met, but I’m starting to feel more and more constricted. At some point this birdie needs to fly! Not sure what my next step is but I have recently invested in a coach again, you’ve definitely given me something to think about! Keep up the great work!
Dear Michelle: Congratulations on being in business for 3 years! That’s huge. It may not yet be what you dream it to be…AND, you are still at it. Perseverance pays off. I also acknowledge you for working with a coach. Shifting your understanding of your value will serve you and working with your coach should help with that. Light ahead to your journey and your vision. You will know when it’s time to go. Thank you for sharing. xo Amber
I’ve got to admit…I’m stuck. I’ve got about 6 sizzle emails just sitting in my inbox and I haven’t done much outside of reading them. This post you sent really resonates with me in the moment I’m in for my career…and reading all the above posts remind me that I am not alone in this. I can read all these emails sent and have the knowledge of what to do, but how do I take this laziness (which is just the cover up for the true word = insecurity) and really move myself! I wrote down several of the key points from this post, and can say I HAVE started moving in a better direction to do what my truest heart desires, however if I am completely honest with myself, I know there is so much more I could, and should, do. Any recommendations for a full heart trying to create her full circle moment? Thanks Amber!
Dear Andrea: What an awesome comment. I so acknowledge your transparency and your willingness to ask for support. You rock. I’m glad you read through each comment and saw that you are not alone. Living fully and boldly isn’t easy. I do have some recommendations for you. Send me an email – info@bodyheart.com, and I’ll hook you up. Love, Amber