Today is a no BS kinda post. I’m gettin’ real and sharing what’s in my heart.
This week it’s: Perfection. We all at some point or another strive for it. Fight for it. Give every ounce of our being to be it and have it.
Below is a perfect (pun intended) example:
This simple misguided belief can run our lives. Even…ruin our lives.
Our society is obsessed with perfection. Being the perfect wife/husband. Mother/Father. Boss. Employee. Student. We want the perfect house. The perfect career. The perfect car. The perfect body and so much more.
And I can’t help but ask why? Where does this need come from? What are we so afraid of?
That is the question I keep coming back to this week. Why are we so afraid to make a mistake? To do something “wrong”. To appear normal. Or, heaven forbid, ordinary.
See, this need for perfection robes us of compassion. It robes us of living in the present moment. It deprives us of the gratitude and appreciation for all we have and are. It blocks us from knowing we are enough right now.
I think a large part of perfection has to do with society’s value structure. We live in a world that values productivity. The more you can produce, the more you have to offer. And, when/if you can’t produce anymore you are discarded. So, in order not to be discarded we fight to stay at the top. And, in order to stay at the top we have to do and be better than everyone else, which keeps us in a cycle of competition. And in the cycle of competition we feel disconnected and separate and fall into a mindset of lackful thinking, because there is only a finite amount of success, advancement, praise, joy, etc. This allows the pattern of not enoughness to continue to gain strength and run our lives.
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a change. I think inactivity is just as valuable as productivity. I think wisdom is just as important as success.
In my Master’s Degree Program at the University of Santa Monica they talk a lot about goal line versus ‘soul line’. Where success in the physical world is important, but not nearly as important as your soul’s growth and evolution.
Success in the physical world equals good grades, a nice car, a great career, making lots of money, having a big house—all those material, tangible things. Success on the ‘soul line’ involves healing, learning and growing in consciousness. It’s about becoming a more loving, compassionate, joyful person.
All those things on the goal line are great. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice car, house, husband/wife, clothes, jewelry, etc. I’m all for having all of that. But, I also know that those things by themselves can’t make me or anyone else happy or more loving or more complete. That comes from deep within.
Have you noticed that you are different now from the person you were five years ago. Your job may be the same. Your relationship may be the same. Your house may be the same. But, you are different. That is the deeper learning I’m referencing. The soul level learning.
We come into this life as babies needing constant care and attention and we exit this life in the same way. Currently we welcome the birth process and completely devalue the aging process. We disregard the elderly and all their wisdom because they can’t produce anymore. Because they are slower. Because they are “uglier”. And, ultimately, because we are afraid of becoming them.
The beauty and diet industry thrive on this. They have a field day with our denial and our fear. They continue to assist us in fighting reality. The fact that we all age and we all die.
This leads me to the answer to my question, ‘what are we so afraid of?’. I think we are afraid of dying. We’re afraid we will get to the end of our lives and discover we didn’t make an impact. We didn’t find our purpose and make our contribution to this planet.
We’re afraid because we don’t know what’s next. We don’t know what’s on the other side so we keep our blinders on and push for perfection and all the ‘luxuries’ of the physical world so we can be in denial that someday we will no longer plant our feet on the ground of this earth.
This may seem morbid to you and you may think I’m crazy and you may not agree. That’s fine with me. But, this is my space to share my voice – my thoughts and experience…and this week, this has been what’s on my heart.
I don’t want to be afraid of what’s next. That keeps me from finding and following my purpose/calling. That keeps me from living fully right now. I want to value and respect the elderly and the aging process. I want to honor my soul’s curriculum – what I’m here to learn. I want to enjoy, experience and have all the goal line luxuries plus the deeper meaning – the compassion, the forgiveness, the lessons in worth, unconditional loving and so much more.
I want to live fully. Open my heart and know I’m enough. And, I have a feeling you do too.
Because of these desires, I value inactivity as much as productivity. Inactivity = meditation, reflection, prayer, journaling, reading. These are moments when the deeper lessons + answers unfold. These are moments when I know and understand there is something greater than me out there. That we are all connected. That my life has meaning.
Today I encourage you to embrace more time in inactivity. To seek what’s beyond the bigger money and better body. I invite you to re-evaluate your value structure. Maybe then you’ll find room for “mistakes” and “mess-ups”. As well as a deeper appreciation for who YOU really are.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope it resonates with you and inspires you to live more fully and compassionately.
Love,
Amber
Beautiful and insightful as always…xo, Jana I am so glad our paths crossed…maybe not literally but yes, on a soul level. 🙂 Cheers!
@Jana – I am so glad our paths crossed as well. Very honored to have you within this community…as part of the change! xo-Amber
Great post, and all that you say really resonates with me. The pursuit of perfection is inherently flawed because, as we all know, perfection does not exist. And yet we/society tells ourselves/us that we must continue to strive to be perfect. And this just sets us up to be disappointed and to feel worthless or incapable and a myriad of other negative emotions. Wouldn’t it be so wonderful if we could all love and accept who we are, flaws and all, and simply strive to be happier and to become better versions of ourselves, all while blocking out the notion of perfection (particularly the notion instilled in our heads through media and the like that there is only one “perfect” body or one “perfect” net worth or only one “perfect” marriage, etc.)…
@Christina – Absolutely. “Wouldn’t it be so wonderful if we could all love and accept who we are, flaws and all, and simply strive to be happier and to become better versions of ourselves…” That is what this community is about. I believe by you taking a stand and me taking a stand that this concept of perfection will shift. It has to. Here’s a link to a great video by Gloria Steinem talking about this very topic! http://www.5min.com/Video/GLORIA-STEINEM-HOW-CHANGE-HAPPENS-517275934 Keep on shining your light! xo-A.
What is this perfection all about? I love this question and all that is uprooted in me at the core when you ask this. I fall for this perfection element myself. However, the wiser I become and the more mistakes I make the more I learn and evolve. Thank you for the reminder of what is important. Maybe it’s all of our imperfections that indeed make us perfect!
@Nasrine – Thank you for reading and sharing. I so appreciate it. Isn’t it nice to have a reminder that making a mistake isn’t bad or wrong and can be celebrated. Learning and evolving…absolutely. Happy St. Patty’s Day! xo-Amber
Ahhhhhh… what a RELIEF to read this post. Most especially… “I think inactivity is just as valuable as productivity. I think wisdom is just as important as success.”
Thank you. And what you list as “inactivity”…. meditation, prayer, journaling, reading… reflect to me more the ‘beingness’ of self, rather than the ‘doingness’. The yin vs the yang that this culture is so addicted to! Its voracious quest for success and money which leaves us feeling exhausted and empty, being we haven’t just dropped down and in to the moment.
I have great respect for the degree you received from the University of Santa Monica. Know a few people I highly regard who went there. If we could as a society balance out our other intellectual training with this form of education, then I think the weaving of this yin/yang energies of living would develop healthy whole lives infused with meaning and fulfillment.
I have such regard for your work, Amber. Thank you for continuing. Staying fully present with what holds meaning for you. You are a vital element for the alchemy of change we are living.
@Kathleen – I [heart] you so much! I love seeing your face in all the comments and I always love what you add to the conversation. Thank you for reading this and sharing your thoughts here. I love how you say dropped down and into the moment. I say – drop down into your heart. Into your body. So in alignment. How awesome you know about USM. It’s a very magical place. An experience I truly treasure. So happy to know you! xo-A.
I agree with Kathleen. What a relief to read this. Although I know this intellectually, I really need to absorb this emotionally and spiritually….the not having to be perfect. I learned this a loooong time ago that I am so not perfect…nor is anyone else. I especially love the soul line vs. goal line. I do think we have to be the best that we can be and use our talents and gifts we have been given. Thank you. 🙂
@Kim – I thought you’d really like this post. So glad you do. The goal line vs. soul line is so wise and powerful, right? Adjusting our thinking and our perceptions is a process. Carl Jung says: There is no coming to consciousness without pain. And, I agree with that statement. It’s kinda comforting to know that all the discomfort and pain actually means something really wonderful is happening on the soul line! xoxo
Beautiful post <3
I am terrified of dying and never finding my purpose and/or making an impact on the world. I admire the impact you've had on the world. You've touched so many lives. I may or may not make the same impact as you, but I'm confident I'll make some kind of positive contribution to the world. I journal, reflect and meditate often, they are such wonderful things to have in my life – much better than a new car.
Thank you for this post and reminding me of the greater things in life <3