How to Build Trust with Your Clients
Photo by Kateryna Hliznitsova via Unsplash
Let's talk about rapport—a juicier topic than you might realize!
You've probably heard the word tossed around a lot in the coaching space. But what is it really? And why does it matter so darn much?
To me, rapport is the sense of safety, trust, and connection we build with our clients. It's what allows their nervous system to settle, their defenses to lower, and their true self to emerge with greater ease and flow.
Without it, we're just two people talking.
With it, we have a gateway to transformation.
One of the ways I've been thinking about rapport lately is through the metaphor of getting the details for someone's house.
Let me explain.
Each of us lives inside our own reality. That reality is shaped by lived experiences, beliefs, cultural conditioning, ancestral DNA—and more. For many people, that reality sounds something like:
“I'm upset because I didn't get the promotion.”
“I'm frustrated because my partner is so messy.”
“I'm anxious because my savings account is drained.”
“I'm discouraged because no matter what I do, I can't seem to lose weight.”
In this worldview, the outside causes the inside. So people try to fix, manage, or control the outside in hopes of feeling better on the inside.
There's nothing wrong with that way of living— it just doesn't lead to lasting peace. And, a large portion of the planet operates this way.
This is one version of reality—one house on the street.
My reality—the house I live in—is different. I still fall into that outside-in trap from time to time (I'm human, after all), but for the most part, I believe that what I see “out there” is a reflection of what's going on inside of me.
If I'm upset about not getting the promotion, the opportunity isn't necessarily to complain to my boss, or work harder to prove my value, or even to leave the company (though those might end up being aligned actions).
The real opportunity is to look inward.
To get curious about what misunderstanding that upset is pointing to.
That's a totally different house.
Different walls.
Different furniture.
Different view.
(If you're curious about this inside-out way of seeing and living, I wrote a blog that goes deeper into it. It's called The Villain is a Sacred Role—and it explores how the situations and people we think are “the problem” are actually mirrors, showing us something about what we believe.)
It's an invitation to turn inward instead of out.
And here's where rapport comes in.
As coaches, our job isn't to yank someone out of their house and say, “Hey! Come live in mine—it's way better over here!”
No. That breaks rapport.
Our job is to get to know their house.
What street do they live on?
What does their yard look like?
How many rooms do they have?
What color are the walls?
The more we understand their context—the way they see and relate to life—the more we can meet them where they are.
And that's where they feel most seen and safe.
When people feel safe, their minds, hearts, and bodies open.
Their listening expands.
Their defenses lower.
They become available for new possibilities.
That's the foundation of rapport.
Sometimes building this foundation feels slow.
You might wonder if you're doing enough.
You might be tempted to speed things up or move into “fixing” mode.
I've felt that too.
But those impulses are likely not coming from your intuition.
They're coming from your small-self fears—the misunderstandings running inside about your own worth, value, and safety.
If you slow down to meet those concerns within yourself, you'll find more clarity on the other side.
You'll also be deepening your ability to meet yourself where you are—with compassion and kindness. This directly informs your ability to do the same with your clients: to meet them right where they are.
And that brings us back to the heart of rapport.
What if your presence, your curiosity, your patience is the work?
What if getting to know your client's “house” is exactly where the transformation begins?
Because once you're inside their world—really inside—you can start planting little gifts. Tiny seeds of new understanding, gently placed where they already are.
And then you'll see if those seeds take root.
If they start to blossom in the client's own time.
It's taken me a while to move this from a mental understanding to a more embodied one. In the past, I took rapport for granted—assuming it would naturally be there, and with ease.
But as I've started doing deeper, richer, even more transformational inner work with clients, I'm finding this subject to be essential. Sacred, even.
When we push too soon, rapport gets fractured.
And that sense of safety dissolves.
But when we respect the pace of the client's evolution—when we build rapport by entering their reality and serving them there—that's when trust deepens, shifts happen, and real coaching begins.
Here's to the sacred art of meeting people (and yourself) where they (you) are.
With loving,
Amber
