Trying to Be Good is Exhausting

Photo by Kinga Howard via Unsplash

Have you ever become aware of a pattern in your life and suddenly see it playing out everywhere?

That's where I am. 

In the last two weeks I've become acutely aware of my pattern of rigidity and perfection. It's playing out in my relationship with my body, money, husband, work, self-care…like I said, everywhere!

Rigidity says: “In order to be good, you must follow the rules.”

And, wow, there so many rules! I'm meeting thoughts like:

• If you really loved your body you wouldn't have put on weight on your vacation.

• If you were a good steward of your money you wouldn't dip into your savings.

• A better business owner would've written this newsletter yesterday instead of being spontaneous and spending time with Vince.

• If you were committed to your self-care you would follow your routine instead of snuggling with Lucky. (See last Sunday's Instagram post about this here.)

The requirements of being 'good' are steep. Unattainably so.

According to Elise Loehnen, author of On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good, this is by design. 

If women spend their precious time, energy and attention trying to be good, they won't get in touch with their true power and brilliance. They won't “interfere” by speaking their voice, sharing their ideas, and stepping into greater leadership. 

This message of 'be good above all else' is baked into a patriarchal society for this reason. It's a form of control. 

Women aren't the only ones who receive this message. All humans work with this to some extent. When this programming is active it blocks us from the richness of life. It limits our choice and keeps us stuck in a box, rather than living the fullness available to us.

Part of awakening includes taking ownership of your life—especially your inner life. You can consciously create a new definition of good. A good wife, mother, lover, friend, boss, employee, etc. 

The first step is uncomfortable. You must see the current requirements in order to question them. Seeing them allows you to make a different choice.

This is where I have been the last few weeks. And, I can honestly say that the discomfort has led to great empowerment. Good enough and leaning into flexibility and spontaneity have become options that weren't there before. 

I'm living into new definitions like:

• Our bodies are wild. They are animals and have their own intelligence. They are meant to fluctuate in weight all day long. 

• Money has it's own energy and is designed to flow like water. There's a reason it's called currency—like a current.

This journey of being a more awake human is quite a ride. What I know is you're on the path because you're here. I admire you for that. 

Wishing you a weekend of less rigidity and more flexibility—and really, freedom from the unconscious need to be “good”. 

Amber 

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