Recently I’ve been traveling quite a bit, speaking across the country at colleges (shout out to NAU, NIU, KSU, & UTC). Something happened during one of these trips that I wasn’t so proud of. It was something I did that served as a reminder that there are always opportunities to deepen in our compassion and loving for ourselves and others.
Here’s the scene: It’s the end of a long day of travel – one that began hours earlier and ended later than it should have due to weather and delays. I’m tired and cranky and just want to get to my hotel.
This particular plane was small, so I had to valet check or pink tag my bag. If you’ve not done that before it means you drop your carry-on bag at the gate and pick it up at the gate when you arrive at your destination.
So, I’m in a line full of people waiting for their bags along the gateway. Two lines have formed against both sides leaving a space in the middle so that people exiting the plane can get through. We are all waiting impatiently. It’s like 1 degree – literally – and everyone is cold and ready to get on with their evening.
I look up and see a man stop right in the middle. I think “Is he planning to stand there and wait for his bag? Not a good idea. He’s gonna block traffic. What’s he doing?”
He proceeds to stand in the middle. People are trying to get around him and he isn’t moving.
After a little while, he finally heads back to the front and stands in the spot where our bags – ok, my bag – will be dropped. Now, I’m starting to get frustrated. It seems like such common sense to me. “Get out of the way! What a total jerk!”
(You see, I had lots of compassion and loving for this man in this moment! Not!)
An older woman across from me was watching the man too. She seemed curious about him (whereas I seemed totally annoyed)…so, when he walked back into the middle again, she asked him one simple question: “Sir, do you need some help?”
The man replied by shaking his head yes. He said, “I usually have a wheelchair meeting me. I’m not used to all these people and I’m not sure where I’m supposed to stand.”
(Face palm. Who’s the jerk now?! That would be me.)
Then he says – stuttering a little bit: “I’m recovering from a concussion, so my thoughts don’t work like they used to.”
(OMG – now, I feel like a total a**hole!)
I made so many assumptions about him because I was so concerned about myself. About my own crankiness and getting out of the cold and into my hotel room. I immediately applied some loving kindness to myself – as a few parts of me wanted to judge me as a total jerk and an a**hole. And, I knew those kinds of judgments don’t help at all.
Then I looked for the learning – which was a beautiful reminder that the stories that go on in my head aren’t true a lot of the time. The assumptions I made about this man or make about anyone, including myself for that matter, aren’t usually true. And, the only way to know the truth is to find out by asking. Which is what that beautiful woman did – “Sir, do you need some help?”.
Simple. Loving. And full of compassion.
I was so grateful to witness this kindness. To see it modeled so beautifully in front of me with such ease and grace.
And, I’m sharing it with you today to remind you as well. When you next find yourself in a heated or annoyed state, ask yourself – is what I’m telling myself about this circumstance true? 100% true? Then see if you can find an opening for a little more kindness and compassion.
Kindness wasn’t my first response in that moment – and, that’s ok because I’m human AND I got a valuable lesson out of it.
If you have a story where you maybe weren’t your kindest and most loving self – you are welcome to share about it in the comments. That way I won’t be the only one! And, I invite you to share your learning from that experience too.
Thank you for being here and being a part of this community.
With loving,
Amber
Thank you for sharing this post, Amber. It brought tears to my eyes. Yes, we all need to remember to practice compassion and kindness – even (and perhaps especially) on ourselves. And if we open our eyes and our ears and our hearts we can find lessons to be learned everywhere.
(BTW – it may not have been your finest moment, you’re still amazing, girlfriend!)
Dear Charlene: I’m so glad you were so touched by this post. It is a good reminder, right? And, thank you for your very sweet words.
Oh Amber
Thank you for this, I think this is so inspiring and so powerful. Really touched my heart.
Much appreciation,
Cara
Dear Cara: Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you found yourself inspired by this post.
Loooove this story! We’ve all been there. 🙂
Emily
Dear Emily: Thank you. And, yes, it’s so human, right? Lovely to see you here.
Excellent blog and great reminder to us all. Thanks for sharing it with us, Amber. Hugs… Christie
Dear Christie: Aw. Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to read and leave a comment. You rock!
Amber this is such a beautiful story. It really touched me and was a great reminder to drop the judgment and stay present. (and compassionate).
Thanks again for sharing it.
Dear Daphne: It’s so great hearing from you! Thank you so much for sharing here. I’m so glad this story made an impact. Hope you are doing great!
what a touching and insightful moment! thanks for sharing Amber!
Dear Jen: What a lovely surprise to hear from you! It’s been such a long time. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience from this post. It means a lot to me knowing it made a difference for you. I hope you and your family are thriving! xo
Such a wonderful story. I am lucky enough to almost always be in a good mood so kindness towards others usually comes naturally to me. Recently I was waiting in line for a prescription and this lady in front of me seemed so upset. I asked ‘is everything okay’ and she said ‘No, I have been waiting for 20 mins, I want to go home.’ I said ‘yeah, I’m sorry they’re usually really busy here’. She proceeded to get annoyed and said really loudly that she should have gone somewhere else. And finally it gets to her turn and she goes up to the lady and is a complete meany to her. Granted the lady at the counter didn’t seem to be doing a good job… But almost like she wasnt responding very well under the pressure of the negativity the lady was giving her. So the mean lady leaves and it’s my turn. And I had to explain what I needed from the lady at the counter like 3 times, but I wasn’t mean to her, I told her it was okay, that she can take her time, all with a smile. She seemed like she wasn’t having the best day and the mean lady didn’t help. Not that similar to your story but I think it boils down to mood. Do you let your bad mood affect how you treat people? And if so, why? And is that really all that healthy?
Amber, I got tears in my eyes and also had to laugh at your very visual writing style! I felt your palm slap against head! I once followed someone in the hospital asking if he needed help as he went into one of the units. He didn’t have a visitor badge and I was nervous that he was up to no good…obviously, right, because he wasn’t responding to me. I asked the unit Secretary if she had seen him before and she confirmed he was a parent. I told her the story, and later she called me and told me he was deaf. Palm plant on head moment. Thanks for sharing Amber!
amber,
we all been there, thanks so much for sharing, love & kindness goes along way , take care , jrm