The F Word . . .
Nothing is more contagious. If you’ve ever been near a group of women and one of them says she’s fat, you better look out. That F-bomb is gonna explode like wild fire!
Suddenly every woman in the group jumps on the fat train and tries to “out fat” the woman next to her.
“You think that’s bad, well I can’t even fit into my favorite jeans anymore!“
“Yeah, well I’ve got cellulite spreading all over my body.”
“I’m starting to get upper arm jiggle!”
And the fat-talk train continues to its final destination where everyone departs feeling a little more empty, insecure and not good enough.
It’s awful. Yet we can’t seem to stop ourselves from participating in the fat frenzy. Which is why there is a school of thought that says: Don’t say the F word. No matter what, just don’t say it.
I completely understand that philosophy, but do not agree with it. I don’t believe the issue is the word itself. I believe the issue is we haven’t been taught to understand what we are really saying when we use the f word. And, we haven’t been taught the proper way to respond when someone else says it. (Click to tweet.)
What we are really saying:
At the end of the day, when we say, “I feel fat,” what we are really saying is:
“I don’t feel good enough. I don’t feel loveable. I don’t feel worthy.”
Boy, if we said one of those instead, wouldn’t that be a different conversation?
How to respond:
The instant you hear someone drop the F-bomb, you now know what they are really saying. Instead of hearing “fat”, substitute “insecure/unloveable/not good enough”.
When you hear it that way, what is your immediate reaction?
Mine is to give a hug. To shed as much love as I possibly can on my friend, who, in this moment, has forgotten who she really is. She is momentarily blind, so it is up to me to see her beauty for her.
Touch is one of the most powerful healing tools we have. The next time someone you care about says she’s fat, do yourself a favor and give her a hug. Tell her she is beautiful. Hold in your loving and be there without joining in the downward spiral.
In fact, you can make a pact with your best friends today. Share this post with them (using the share button below) and start a new ritual in your friendship.
I promise, this kind of exchange has the power to not only end fat talk, but also deepen your friendship.
So, take that F-word!
Thank you so much for reading this week’s post. In the comments below share two names of friends you are willing to form this pact with.
Wishing you so much love,
Whenever I hear a friend say this…or if I say it myself…I try to catch it really fast and remind them…or myself…that “fat” is not a feeling. Then I tell them…or myself…just how awesome they are. I don’t ever want to belittle their feelings, so it’s important to explore the statement and find out what’s going on to make them want to say such a thing. I think we HAVE to challenge these statements. Because “fat” is not a feeling and even if it were, we don’t have to make it a negative thing. So like you suggest, it’s good to acknowledge the actual negativity your friend is feeling, rather than joining in on the bashfest.
Amber Krzys says
@Akirah – I couldn’t agree more! Thank you so much for reading and sharing.
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“Hi! I’ve been following your weblog for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Dallas Texas! Just wanted to mention keep up the great job!”
Amber Krzys says
@Shannon – Thank you for your kind words. So glad you wrote to say hello!