The Reward of Healing Your Past

Today I’m sharing something I’ve never shared before. It’s what I was inspired to write and is a beautiful exampe of what’s possible when we truly heal our past.

Over the weekend I saw Saving Mr. Banks. What a beautiful film. It’s heart is in telling the story of how Mary Poppins came to be.

I grew up with Mary Poppins. She is very special to me, so it was easy for me to open my heart and get transported to a different world – with a new understanding.

When leaving the theater, I really thought about the beauty and power of storytelling, and how in this particular story, the author got to rewrite her past. She got to reframe the bad and make it into something good. And, we, the audience, got to witness her transformation.

This film is a true example of the healing process. So many of us have childhood wounds that are holding us back to this very day. We saw something, said something, did something or had something said or done to us that is influencing the way we see and act in the world.

Healing is a process, not an event, and P.L. Travers (the creator of Mary Poppins) demonstrated this so clearly in Saving Mr. Banks. The reward for her willingness and courage to reframe her hurts is something that is available to all of us.

What would it look like if you got to go back in time and see your past with new eyes? What would it be like if you could go into your memory and reframe the pain into something good; thus giving yourself a new story.

See, our memories, as much as we hold them as true, aren’t always accurate. They are influenced by our age, culture, environment, perspective, attitude. And sometimes, often times, can hurt us more than help us.

Here’s an example from my own life: I have a memory of me with my mom and dad. I’m around age 5 and we had my cousin over for pizza and play time. As we were playing, I told my dad I would eat two slices; yet, when the time came to actually eat, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I could only eat one slice. That made my dad really angry. So angry that he started screaming at me, my cousin and especially my mom. He ended up punching a hole in the wall while my cousin and I hid in the closet.

My little 5-year-old self didn’t know or understand what was happening. She believed that she did something wrong. That she caused her dad’s anger. That this was her fault. “If only I had eaten the second slice, none of this would’ve happened.”

I never wanted to set off my dad again, so I catered to him. I became the ‘good girl’. Always wanting to make him happy and, at the same time, yearning for his love and attention.

This theme played out into my adulthood, in my relationships with men and authority figures… until I went back and applied love to my internal wounds.

The truth was that my biological dad was an alcoholic at that time who had a hot temper. He was unhappy in his marriage and his life in general. His reaction had nothing to do with me. And, when I could finally see that, both my dad and I were free.

For the first time, I could see him and his wounds. I could see he was doing his best with what he knew. And, I could forgive him and myself. After not talking for 15+ years (healing is a process, not an event), we now have a relationship that is based in loving kindness. I attribute this to the growth and healing we have both done – separately and together.

I share this today as an example of what’s possible with the healing of memories. Part of becoming an adult is taking responsibility for our lives, our feelings, our past, our pain and our victories. All of it. The good and the bad.

What can you look back on and see differently today? That option is always available to you. If you feel so called, you are welcome to share in the comments below.

Thank you for reading today’s vulnerable post. I appreciate you seeing me.

With loving,
Amber