The Truth About Integrity
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Over the last year, I've done a deep dive into my relationship with integrity. For most of my life, I thought integrity meant keeping your word. You say you'll do something and you do it. And, if you can't, you reach out and renegotiate to clean it up.
I was actually pretty darn good at that.
What I wasn't so good at was admitting my truth to myself and others. This is a deeper part of integrity.
I don't care where we go for dinner.
Sure, you can lead that section of the workshop.
Yes, I can make that time work.
Of course, you can join us.
We would love to have you stay in our home your entire visit.
These words would fly out of my mouth before I even knew what I wanted.
Being agreeable and accommodating was automatic. Keeping the peace at all costs was the program.
There was no space between the circumstance and my response.
Turns out, that space is really important.
It was in that space that I opened. I discovered I actually had opinions about dinner, house guests, workshop materials…really everything!
Part of what kept the automatic response in place was my inner story of unworthiness.
I saw myself as less than. I told myself that I was less experienced and knowledgeable. My input didn't matter. No one would like my preferences anyway.
Underneath that desire to keep the peace was this even bigger assumption that I didn't matter.
This moment was heartbreaking and liberating at the same time. Heartbreaking because of the pain. Liberating because I knew what to do.
I met my unworthiness with tenderness and compassion. I let myself cry my tears for all the times I duck-taped my own mouth shut. I loved the part of me that saw me as the helpless child, who deferred to the “real” adults for decisions and guidance.
I committed to a daily practice to remind myself that I matter. You can see more of that here. I also intentionally grew the space between the circumstance and my response.
That part was (and continues to be) messy—and it's been worth it.
In her book, The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck says, “Peace is your home. Integrity is the way to it. Everything you long for will meet you there.”
This. Is. My. Experience.
When I come back home to myself and my Truth my life gets better. It may be worse for a moment of time. I may feel highly uncomfortable, nervous, and shaky.
Ultimately, I land on Solid Ground inside of me and feel Life's strength and affirmation. That alignment leads to more peace.
If you want your own experience of this, my Discover Live Trust Your Truth Mastermind still has ONE spot left.
Enrollment closes October 6, 2023.
If your heart has a spark about what I've shared, do not miss out. Reply to this email asap.
With loving,
Amber
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