When a Client is Disappointed in the Coaching…
Photo: Hrant Khachatryan
Today's topic is juicy. And, before I dive in…
TWO SPOTS LEFT FOR SUMMER CAMP FOR COACHES! You are invited to join me and a group of hungry, heart-centered coaches for two months of growth, upleveling and play. In this program we'll build consistent, reliable structures to bring in new clients, more deeply serve the ones you have, create greater prosperity inside and out, and have fun while doing it!
The Focused Coach Playbook will streamline your actions for greater impact in the phase of business growth you're in. The 40-Day Prosperity Game will take your money relationship to the next level. These are in addition to the enrollment and coaching skills we'll cover.
WANT IN?
Send an email to hello@amberkrzys.com and let me know. We'll go from there.
Onto the main dish…
**This is an important read. I recommend taking it in entirely when you can be slowed down and fully present.**
If you're in this field long enough you'll experience clients (individual and in groups) who are disappointed in your coaching.
This happens. Disappointment is a natural part of life.
This is because there isn't one world. There are 8 billion worlds on the planet. We each filter our reality based on our past experience and conditioning. This leaves room for many different interpretations.
If we humans are here to learn, disappointment can be an excellent teacher.
Michelle Bauman, my beloved coach who passed away in 2015, used to say, “Part of adulting is withstanding disappointment.” She was right, per usual.
Building your inner strength to withstand others' upset is an important part of the coach journey. Doing this allows you to use what's present for your client's highest growth, as well as your own. It's not comfortable and it is worth it.
SAFE GUARDS
There are ways to set up the container to help prevent disappointment from happening. I include the following agreement at every launch with my clients. (Feel free to borrow it if you haven't already!)
“You agree to take responsibility for getting what you want from the coaching process. If anything we do together doesn't work for you or “feel right,” you will bring it to my attention promptly so we can explore other options.”
Not every client honors this, as these conversations can be vulnerable and uncomfortable. Those who do follow the agreement, are far more likely to have the experience they want.
REAL WORLD EXAMPLES
Example 1: I once had a client where I included work with outside guest coaches in his package. In addition to our work, he decided it would serve him to participate in another coach's three-month program that was co-led by a few other facilitators. I thought this was an excellent idea and was thrilled to include it in our package.
I was under the impression this outside program met the promise of working with outside guest coaches. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
In our final session, when nothing could be done about it, he expressed his disappointment and desire for more.
The good news is that we used that session for learning and growth and explored how unspoken expectations blocked him from having the experience he most wanted, not only in our coaching, but in many areas of his life.
We also talked about how high standards and the pursuit of more, can cause us to miss the enough that's already here. Enough time, enough money, enough food, enough love.
(Side Note: This is where The Enough Principle, that I'll be teaching in Summer Camp for Coaches, was born! It's not that wanting more is bad. It's more when the desire for more overrides the ability to enjoy and appreciate what's here now. The irony is that as we let go of “more” we end up receiving it.)
Through this experience, I also learned it can be useful to include a 'temperature check' on how the coaching is going for the client at the the midway point.
Example 2: On the complete opposite end, I had another client who was disappointed in the content of our intensive. She honored our agreement and brought this to my attention the following week, allowing us to have an honest, healing conversation. This gave space for us to realign and adjust accordingly to best suit her needs and desires.
MAKE HAPPY
Our job isn't to make our clients happy or to meet their every request. Our job is to serve them.
Sometimes serving looks like reflecting a blind spot. For example: I have found that the clients who experience the greatest disappointment are often the ones who don't fully use all that's available within the coaching container. If the client is willing to see this, it can be a game-changer!
Other times serving looks like hearing a client's feedback, taking full ownership and apologizing for what occurred. Followed by asking what the client needs to repair the relationship, if anything.
Other times, serving looks like giving a client what they want.
And still other times it looks like a combination of the above.
The coaching container is co-created by two unique individuals—who are doing their best in their messy humanness! Determining how to respond and what best serves is a process. One that's built through experience and inner guidance.
The truth is: both parties contribute to the dynamic and have a responsibility to keep the container clean.
NOT MIND READERS
As gifted as we coaches are, we aren't mind readers. We cannot address something if we don't know it exists.
This means in your work with your clients, you want to encourage them to ask for what they want by having clear agreements and a 'temperature check'.
This also means in your work with your own coach, you want to be an owner and honor this agreement. Do what you would want done to you.
Would you want one of your dear clients complaining about you to others? No. You'd want them to bring it to you so you can do something about it.
The truth is: complaining only begets more complaining. We program our brain to look for more things we don't like. If you want to tank your coaching, grumble about it behind your coach's back. If you want to experience transformation and progress, bring it to your coach so you can use it in the work.
Lastly, if you're someone who experiences disappointment a lot, the invitation is to look in the mirror and get curious. There's a real opportunity for healing available. I know from firsthand experience!
SUMMER CAMP
Being a professional coach is rich with learning the entire journey. What I shared above is a mere snippet of what's available inside Summer Camp for Coaches for you to more deeply serve your clients and yourself. (FYI: Your inner work contributes greatly to the impact you make with your clients.)
The program begins on July 8, 2024. Only two spots remain.
If you want to join this fantastic group, now is the time.
Email me at hello@amberkrzys.com and let me know.
With loving,
Amber
