Are You Being Undone?
Photo: Nick Casale
I am in a season of undoing. The “I” that I have known myself to be is being undone.
I'm not alone in this. Many of my clients and friends are finding themselves in this space too.
You can know you're in a season of undoing if you're:
facing unexpected, extended conflict or friction
feeling unexpected, extended hurt
experiencing lack of clarity, inspiration or direction
doing what you've always done and not getting the same positive result (money generation, physical activity/health, etc.)
grieving a loss (breakup, job, death of a loved one)
and more.
In essence, the undoing process is really a birth process. In order for a new, more aligned you to be born, a death of the outdated you must occur.
Because labor—aka effort to bring new life/new understanding—is a part of birth, we experience discomfort and even pain. The only way to end the pain is to stay the course and complete the process.
This is the invitation—to meet the upset instead of avoid, distract yourself, or run away from it. It's ok if you do those things. We're human and healing takes time. Just know, those actions only delay the result of the arrival of the more aligned you. (On the flip side, you can't rush or fast track the birthing process either. It takes as long as it needs to take.)
Below I share three practices I'm finding helpful during this season.
HOW TO MEET THE UNDOING
1. Recognize Where You Are
During an undoing cycle you don't feel like yourself. This means it's easy to buy into the idea that something is wrong and needs to be fixed or figured out. The impulse is to move faster, to give into the urgency so you can come to a resolution sooner.
However, the thinking that's creating the urgency is part of the outdated system. If you want true healing and a lasting resolution, the opportunity is to go slower, and to feel what's underneath the drive to move faster.
Remind yourself that you're in a cycle of undoing. This can help you accept the process and surrender. The less you resist, the more you'll see and be guided.
You'll also give yourself more grace.
2. Build Your Foundation
No matter what is happening outside of us, we can find solid ground inside by intentionally connecting with Love.
This could come from spending time in Nature, journaling, prayer, meditation, and so much more.
The key is that your intention be to feel Love's presence.
This dedicated time can help you feel less alone. It also shores up a safer space inside to do the deeper feelings work in the next step.
3. Feel Your Most Uncomfortable Feelings
Part of what I'm meeting through this journey is my strong (yet outdated) programming to fight and defend.
Anger is an emotion I'm fairly comfortable with. Letting it out in healthy ways is somewhat easy and even enjoyable for me.
{Note: This isn't the same for everyone and I'm not saying it should be. Anger could be a paralyzing emotion for you, and that's ok. There is nothing wrong with you if that is the case. We're all different based on our upbringing/conditioning and have unique opportunities for our growth.}
What hasn't been comfortable for me is going deeper and being with the hurt the anger is protecting.
That is my next level of growth and part of what my undoing is offering—a way to feel safe in my softness, and even experience it as a strength.
Feeling our feelings isn't about wallowing in them. It's not about thinking about them either.
Feeling our feelings is about healing. By being present to our in-the-moment experience we see new things (we bring what's unconscious conscious) and release them.
Slow down. Get present. Notice your body.
Your body lives and responds in the present, so attuning to the physical sensations helps you connect with your in-the-moment experience. Do your best to stay with the sensation—a heavy heart, gripping chest, buzzy belly, etc.
Allow yourself to open to and feel the emotional energy. Let it move through you rather than resisting it. Tears may flow, sounds may come out, you might feel a desire to move—that's ok. Allow it.
This process doesn't have to take a long time. You'll likely feel lighter and more spacious on the other side.
If that's not the case, it's probably because thought has latched on and is creating a narrative around the feeling/situation. Thought will keep the feelings stuck. And, what a feeling wants is to be felt—to be seen, experienced and let go.
There is no perfect way to do this. The truth is you'll get plenty of opportunities to practice over and over again, if you choose.
If you take this practice on it's important to acknowledge yourself afterward. This is courageous work.
If you are in a season of undoing, my this email remind you that you aren't alone. There is nothing wrong with you. And that you will feel like yourself—an even more aligned self—again soon enough.
For now, have patience. Be kind and gentle with you.
Wishing you space and grace this weekend,
Amber
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