Why Pushing & Over-Giving Don’t Work with Clients (And What Does)
Photo by Courntey Lindberg
I've been spending time inside the CFJ Coaching Success School, getting to know the students before I teach later this month. As guest faculty, I have the privilege of offering feedback, guidance, and coaching in their private community for a month before we meet in person.
It's such a gift to support them in this way—to witness their engagement, their devotion to learning, and to slow down together, working not just on the practical, tangible aspects of coaching, but also the deeper, inner levels of personal growth.
In doing this, a simple yet profound truth surfaced:
Your clients are always doing their best.
In fact, everyone is.
Now, I know that's not an easy truth to swallow. When you look out into the world and see greed, manipulation, and self-centeredness on display daily, it can be hard to believe. But the reality is: even those people are doing their best based on their level of consciousness and conditioning.
This isn't about excusing “bad” behavior. I believe in choice and consequence—because experience is the greatest teacher.
But for the sake of your work as a coach, it's essential to truly understand that however your client is showing up, they are doing the best they can.
It's easy to:
See your client's potential and want more for them.
Judge their actions (or inactions) as not enough.
Push them forward toward what they say they want.
Over-give, hoping they'll see something new.
Not trust their process.
That last one is key.
And if we dig beneath the judgment, pushing, and over-giving, we'll find something deeper: our own misunderstanding.
As in:
If I were a better coach, they'd be getting better results.
If they aren't impacted by this, they won't renew.
If they don't achieve their goals, I've failed…and I'll never get another client again.
At the root of our frustration isn't our client's process—it's our own fear.
Fear of losing a client.
Fear of failing.
Fear of not being good enough.
It's human nature to seek safety and security. That deep, biological need often propels us to try to control our environment.
We innocently and unconsciously think, “If I can get my client the results they want, I'll be loved,” and by extension, safe and secure.
But this is an illusion. True, lasting safety and security cannot and will not be found in anything outside of you—because they were never meant to come from there.
You may already understand this as a concept on the mental level, but knowing isn't the same as experiencing.
The more you unlink your self-worth from your clients' progress, the freer you will be.
Because the truth is: your client is making progress—whether or not they're following through in the way you think they should. Their pace is their pace. Their conditioning is their conditioning. No one can be forced to wake up or see something new until they're ready.
So, coach, here's the invitation: relax.
You are being given an opportunity to attune to wisdom. Because wisdom—not strategy or a methodology—is the guiding force in your sessions. Strategy is limited. But the space of intuition? That's rich with endless possibility.
Maybe your client is meant to create something entirely different than they originally thought. Maybe they are right where they need to be.
Can you see the perfection in this moment? For them and for you
When we, as coaches, practice connecting with Presence—the place of infinite wisdom, freedom, peace, and creativity—it becomes much easier to trust everything in life.
Not just your clients.
Not just your work.
But also yourself.
Because here's the other truth:
You are always doing your best too. No exceptions.
If you feel a “yeah, but…” creeping in—I invite you to look at that. That story is a misunderstanding. And there's a whole world beyond that place.
If you really slow down and let these words wash over you, you'll feel the truth in them. And that truth will open you to greater compassion—for your clients, for yourself, for all of life.
And if compassion isn't the key to everything holy, I don't know what is.
With loving,
Amber
