In the Middle of the Night
This week, I led my first Instagram Live with special guest Holly Perkins. Watch the IG Live here.
Anytime I do something new, I meet the familiar chorus of insecure thoughts. The what ifs start rolling in—What if I mess this up? What if technology fails? What if I look like an idiot? What if I let down my community?
Over time, I've trained myself to notice these thoughts without hooking into their stories. I see them as part of stretching—and stretching, for me, is a courageous act.
But what got me this time wasn't the pre-event nerves. It was what happened after.
I went to bed feeling good about the conversation—then woke up in the middle of the night with my mind racing. A full-blown 3 AM vulnerability hangover. Thoughts like:
I shouldn't have said that.
I was too transparent.
People are going to judge me.
I'm going to lose people I care about.
The fear-based thoughts churned up my trusty “protector”… anxiety.
I always know when anxiety is online. It brings a sense of urgency—a need to fix, problem-solve, and take fast action. My mind offered me a game plan: Take down the post. Add a clarification. Be more careful next time. Never open up like that again.
In this case, anxiety was trying to protect me from feeling shame.
Middle of the Night
Why is it that what feels clear in the light of day becomes murky in the dark of night?
If you've ever woken up at 3 AM gripped by worry, you know exactly what I mean.
Here's what I've learned: Don't trust your thinking when you're in this state.
Middle of the night mind is fueled by the amygdala—our brain's fear center. It makes everything feel urgent, even life or death. And because survival is the amygdala's job, it does a really convincing job of making fear feel like truth.
The ability to discern when to trust your thinking (and when not to) is one of the most powerful ways to access real choice.
It sounds simple: If you're dysregulated, don't believe your thoughts. And it is simple—just not always easy in practice.
The Monster Filter
Middle of the night mind is seductive. It knows exactly how to hook you into fear. It's like an Instagram filter—except instead of smoothing your skin, it turns everything into a monster.
(Imagine if Instagram actually had a “monster filter”—a tap and boom, instant Halloween costume. I digress…)
When the “monster filter” is on, everything looks like a threat. What seemed small during the day becomes overwhelming at night. And in an attempt to relieve the tension, we believe the fear and act from protection.
But here's the thing: Action from fear often creates more turmoil.
Action from love creates alignment—often resulting in peace.
And we can't access love when we're gripped by fear.
Finding Your Way Back
The more you cultivate moments of rest and stillness, the more you attune to your natural state—the feeling of Presence. The real you. The you that exists underneath the mental noise.
When you spend time there, you start to recognize when you're not there. You may not always know what thoughts are at play, but you'll feel when you're off-center. And that's your cue: Don't believe the thoughts that arise from this state.
Because here's the difference between reaction and response:
Reaction comes from the monster filter.
Response comes from awareness.
When you see the filter, you're no longer in it. And in that space, new possibilities emerge.
For me, that 3 AM disruption didn't last long. And that's real progress. I didn't fight the thoughts. I watched them dance. I felt their concern—their “love” for me. Because that's all anxiety really is: an attempt to keep me safe. Safe from the pain of having done something wrong.
That was the misunderstanding surfacing once again—to be seen, met, felt, and let go.
After that, I turned my attention elsewhere. To the comfort of the pillow. The weight of my hand on my belly. The steady rhythm of my breath.
And before long, I was fast asleep.
A Reminder for You
Your thinking creates your experience of life. And discerning whether your thoughts are coming from fear or love is one of the most powerful skills you can develop.
If you find yourself caught in middle of the night mind, remember: don't trust your thinking.
With loving,
Amber
PS: If you're looking to feel stronger, support your metabolism, and learn sustainable ways to care for your body, check out Holly Perkins' program, Mastering Your Body Composition. Class one was packed with useful information, and there's still time to join for classes two and three. Sign up here.
live your best day today
Get my free guide with three simple, yet powerful, actions to CREATE your day (rather than react to it)
so you can feel more alive, abundant and on purpose.
