On January 8th, my boyfriend, Vince, was rushed to the ER for emergency surgery—complications from a routine procedure he had on the 3rd. Without going into a lot of detail, he had a perforation in his intestine causing bile to leak into his abdominal cavity. This is serious business—it’s life-threatening, and the recovery is quite involved.
I’m not gonna lie, it was an intense and scary ten days—where I became an almost permanent fixture in his hospital room. The good news is that we’re home now, and Vince has begun the slow process of healing.
I’ve learned so much during this experience. I’m still learning from it. I’m sure I’ll be sharing more in the coming weeks. For today, I want to focus on one seemingly small part:
“This or something better for the highest good of all concerned.”
I first heard this saying during my master’s program at the University of Santa Monica. Intellectually I understood it, but it was foreign in experience. The idea here is that as we set our intentions or vision for what we want to create in our lives, it’s good to allow space for Grace/God/Spirit/Life (whatever you want to call it) to do it’s thing.
I did not intend to start 2017 in the hospital. I wanted to hit the ground running, create a podcast, spend time in new communities, get back to pilates…and that wasn’t what Life had in store.
Sometimes “something better” doesn’t feel better. Sometimes it’s painful and challenging—as in my case (or even our country’s case at the moment). Yet, I believe without a doubt, that something better is on the way…
It already is. Vince and I are closer, more connected, and more in love than ever. He, a very private man, is now more vulnerable with me and others, out of necessity. And, I am deepening in my experience of real love, generosity and care.
This must be for our highest good or it wouldn’t be happening. This simple truth helps me come into greater acceptance, peace and surrender.
Sure, I could fight reality. I could wish things were different. I spent a lot of time doing that—still do on occasion (hello politics)—but that only produces suffering. Reminding myself that I’m not alone, that Life has an intelligence and knows more than me, brings me comfort.
I don’t know why things happen the way they do. I trust, however, that good will follow—that through each experience we will return to love.
With Fierce Loving,