It was a rare, sunny, blue sky day in London. I was sitting across from my mentor, Robert Holden, in his third floor office about to begin our first coaching session for our six-month engagement.
“What would be success for our journey, Amber,” Robert asked with genuine interest and curiosity.
I paused for a while and then said, “Marriage. Not only enjoying my marriage to Vince, but also my marriage to My Higher Self.”
We deepened the conversation and explored the richness of devotion—devoting time to a regular spiritual practice, to Vince, to my body and my work. (This is where the new section of the blog, The Four Marriages, was seeded.)
As we talked about my upcoming nuptials, I blurted out, “I’m afraid I’m making the wrong choice in a partner.”
It felt tender letting those words out. I hadn’t expressed them to anyone. I was ashamed to have those thoughts running in my mind, and I feared if I shared them, they would prove to be true.
I scrutinized Robert’s reaction. Did he think I was making the wrong choice? Did he think these doubts meant something?
He smiled with warmth and slight amusement and said, “Amber, that question…that question…”
“I know. It’s a terrible question,” I interrupted.
“Yes. It is. It will only lead you down a path of insecurity, always looking outside of yourself for the answer. At its heart, that question keeps you in the illusion that right and wrong exist. And, we know, this is an indication of where you’re coming from. Your self-image. Yes?”
“Yes,” I said with a sigh of relief mixed with frustration.
Robert continued, “Amber, as a type six on the Enneagram (a tool for personality assessment and spiritual growth), you’re prone to asking lots of questions. An active mind comes with the territory. So what if we used that to your advantage? What might be a better question to ask yourself?”
I sat quietly praying that the most inspired question would arise. No such luck.
“I don’t know. Nothing comes to mind,” I said flatly.
Robert thoughtfully said, “What about…Something like…‘How can I be more of my True Self in this relationship? How can I share my True Self more with Vince?”
I was blown away. “Yes. I love it. Such an empowering question,” I said. “But how do I do that? What does that even look like?”
“Well, it could be as simple as a daily inquiry. Something like: Being true to myself today means _____, writing down what comes forward, and then putting it into action,” Robert gently offered.
Mmm, so gentle and loving. I was definitely onboard for this experiment.
We made an agreement that I would honor this practice for at least two weeks. I did. I ended up doing it for a month—and the results were inspiring. The doubts and fears quickly subsided, which opened a path for greater joy and loving in, not only my relationship with Vince, but also my relationship with myself.
What I most appreciate about this exercise is the way it allowed me to access my own Inner Wisdom. It’s ironic that in my fear of making “the right choice,” I discovered the opportunity to embrace more deeply what Soul Partnership is really about.
We all have Wisdom inside that’s talking all the time. It’s simply waiting for us to slow down and listen—to give it the attention, devotion and appreciation it deserves. When we do, all of our partnerships in life flourish.
How can you be more of your True Self today?
Take a few moments and see what comes forward. Let the answers reveal themselves and then follow through.
I share a few entries from my own inquiry in the comments below as an example. Feel free to share yours too.
Never underestimate the power of your own Inner Knowing. You have a vast wealth of resources inside. Practice slowing down and listening. The Truth awaits.
With Fierce Loving,
ps: If you liked this post, check out the interview I did with Rohini Ross right here. Our conversation is rich on Partnership—with self and others.
Samples from my inquiry:
One: Being true to myself today means…
Slowing down and consciously being kind to myself. I don’t feel well. I’m tired and feeling under the weather. Stop making this wrong. Stop making this mean anything about you, Vince, your health. It’s time to listen to what Life is serving up. It’s time to Surrender to Thy will, not my will. It’s ok to let go of the idea that I should fill my group by xx date. That I should’ve decorated for Christmas by now. That I should be enjoying life more. My intention for today is to welcome Life’s sweet, warm embrace. I’m not alone. I can let all my concerns go.
Two: Being true to myself today means…
Remembering shopping for a wedding dress is a holy process…a sacred process. It’s meaningful and deeply healing. I get to slow down and acknowledge my journey with my body. I get to appreciate all we’ve been through together. This body has been married to you all along. It’s ok to take that in. She has never left you. She has always been by your side. She has been FOR you every step of the way.
Amber, I want you to know it’s ok to feel beautiful. It’s ok to welcome that and intend for that as you embrace this experience.
Love this question, it puts me back in the driver seat of my life. Being true to myself today means allowing my authentic joy to be present regardless of what I perceive to be the “temperature” of moods around me. Being true to myself today means taking a moment to remember that my authenticity doesn’t depend on other’s permission.
Dear MK: This is gorgeous. I fully support you in living these truths more deeply. You rock! Love, A