How to Have What You Really Want

Jul 1

Written By

Exactly four weeks ago yesterday, I became a Mrs. I stood across from my best friend and partner, in front of our nearest and dearest, and said yes to the grand adventure of marriage.

It was the most extraordinary day of my life. Every part of the process—getting ready with my girls, having my mom walk me down the aisle, hearing Vince’s vows and watching him tear up as he shared them, rapping part of my vows, receiving the rings from our dogs, eating delicious food and dancing my face off with my favorite people—was filled with joy, beauty, authenticity, aliveness and loving. It’s hard to put into words (so I’ve sprinkled photos throughout this post). Let’s just say, this day was everything I dreamed it would be and more.

Since returning home, I’ve been thinking about what made this experience so incredible. What supported us in having a wedding that far exceeded our expectations? The answer: Vision, Preparation, Permission, Surrender and Celebration.

Whether you’re planning a wedding, building a coaching practice, yearning for deeper intimacy in your relationship, or wanting to transform your body or any area of your life, these steps can support you in a profound way.

Warning: This post is longer than usual. I wanted to give it the attention it deserves.

1. VISION

Knowing where you want to go is a powerful way to support yourself in getting there. You are co-creating with the Universe all the time, so why not ask for what you want?

The trick is to include external and internal intentions. In my experience, most people focus on physical world successes—more money, luxury travel, a better body, a book on the New York Times Bestseller list, etc. These are wonderful and should be included, because our external goals can inspire us to take action and stretch beyond our comfort zone.

And, if we only focus on the external, we innocently set ourselves up for disappointment. We can become attached to having our vision NOW and use it against ourselves. This leads to feeling like a failure, where we wonder what’s wrong with us. Where we think the Universe has forsaken us or is punishing us, causing us to give up on our dream.

Impatience and attachment will kill your vision every time.

The real opportunity available from visioning occurs on the inside. Generating new, inspired feelings is where the true value lies. Emotions are magnetic. They can move mountains. This is why you want to spend time focusing on how you want to feel.

On my wedding day, I was clear I wanted: the sun to shine, my body toned and tan(ish), a beautiful dress, handsome groom, rockin’ band, delicious food, and everything to run on time without a hitch. These are all external intentions—which are great, but ultimately out of my control.

However, I have a big say on what goes on inside of me. So I spent a good chunk of time thinking about how I wanted to feel—when I woke up, got ready with my girls, saw Vince for the first time, etc. Connection, Joy, Enthusiasm, Play, Authenticity, Loving—these were where I lingered in my mind and heart when I thought about the wedding. I set a high intention to open myself to receiving each of these and more—and that’s exactly what happened.

As you dream into your next event, project or goal, be sure to include how you want to feel. Those feelings are magic.

Photos by Courtney Lindberg Photography.

2. PREPARATION

Visioning by itself isn’t enough. You must prepare for the end result. This means working backwards from your final outcome to create your action plan. What steps must you take to bring forward what you want?

I’ll give you a hint: new and different actions are required…and, deadlines and support can be a big assist.

New and Different Actions: If you want something different, you must do something different. Taking the same actions you’ve taken in the past will not produce a new result.

Deadlines: Setting a date for completion is highly effective. It’s a way to create urgency and make your project a priority. Obviously with a wedding, the deadline is set. It’s the date of the wedding. With a goal like bringing on a new client or getting into a new relationship, as much as you’d like to have a set date, this is not the case. You aren’t God. But, there are small deadlines you can determine along the way—like choosing a date you’ll attend a community event to share about your work or get your online dating profile up. Self-imposed deadlines can be just as effective as external ones.

Support: No matter what you want to create, someone has most likely already done it or has rich experience in the subject matter. Enlisting a mentor is The Most Powerful way to support yourself in bringing your dream to life.

As a coach, I believe deeply in the value of support, so working with a wedding planner was a no-brainer. Having someone lead us through every step of the process, and handle the chaos of activities on the day of, absolutely contributed to the success of our day. There is no way our wedding would’ve been nearly as graceful, fun and alive, had it not been for our planners at Roque Events. (If you’re getting hitched or producing an event in Northern California, I can’t recommend them enough!)

Consider your vision. Who do you know who has experience in what you want? It could be a life/business coach, a health or writing coach, a fitness instructor, a mentor, a teacher, a parent or even a friend. At the end of the day, receiving support has the power to deliver what you want sooner, with greater ease and joy.

Photos by Courtney Lindberg Photography.

3. PERMISSION

Give yourself permission to go for it…and to let the experience be 100% yours. Don’t be concerned with making others happy or giving them what you think they want. Don’t be afraid of what they might think either. You do you. Standing in this decision is courageous and deeply rewarding.

We had family and friends from all different backgrounds, cultures and religions at our wedding. We would’ve gone insane trying to make everyone happy. So, instead, we focused on making us happy. We honored our truest desires and gave ourselves full permission to do what we wanted.

When we’re centered in our authenticity it translates to others, and allows them to tap into their authenticity. And, at the end of the day, you’ll enjoy yourself more—just like we did! (If someone doesn’t like it, that’s on them.)

Photos by Courtney Lindberg Photography.

4. SURRENDER

You’ve created your vision, breathed life into how you want to feel. You’ve gotten support and taken new and different action. You’ve fulfilled your side of the bargain. The next step is to Surrender.

If you have an event goal—something with a hard deadline like a wedding—your job is to give your all in the preparation and then let go on the day. Coming into acceptance of what is allows you to flow in the moment. The experience will be what it will be. The end result isn’t up to you.

If you have a process goal—something without a hard deadline like losing weight or getting into a relationship—your job is to keep showing up. Honor the guidance and support you have, take action and receive feedback. That feedback will bring you insights. Either you keep doing what you’ve been doing, or you course-correct with a new action. Remember, the timing isn’t up to you.

Photos by Courtney Lindberg Photography.

5. CELEBRATE

I don’t think people do this enough. Our world is so focused on getting ahead that we don’t pause to appreciate the journey.

It’s important to slow down and acknowledge each step of the way. You may not be where you want to be yet, and letting yourself celebrate along the path helps you enjoy life now. That choice is transformational. You’re focusing on abundance and joy, rather than lack, scarcity and not-enoughness.

If you have a habit of thinking you’ll be enough when you reach your goal, this is the antidote.

Pause today and acknowledge yourself for all you’ve already created.