Wanting vs. Having
Last weekend, I led my Reclaiming Your Truth workshop and had the privilege of being with some of the most beautiful humans on the planet. What was let go of and created during our two days together is hard to describe—the participants left transformed. They showed up, opened their hearts to themselves, released stuck thoughts and emotions, and dropped into a place of Wholeness.
This Wholeness—alive within each of us—continues to offer bounty in their lives. It was truly magical.
Reflecting on our time together, I kept returning to one idea: how wanting gets in the way of having.
The Trap of Wanting
We all have wants—some of us want a lot, while others are afraid to want at all. Sometimes, our wants come from the soul, pulling us toward something deeply meaningful. Other times, they're driven by the ego—that separate sense of self that believes something is missing, broken, or wrong.
You've likely played the when/then game:
When I get a promotion, then I'll feel like I'm enough.
When I hit my goal weight, then I'll finally start dating.
When I pay off all my debt, then I'll stop stressing about money.
When I have more free time, then I'll slow down and take care of myself.
These external wants are how the ego convinces us that our happiness is tied to something out there. But when we look beneath them, we uncover deeper internal ones often tied to resistance:
I need to stop worrying about money, my weight, or whether I'll be alone forever.
I've got to get rid of my anxiety.
And beneath even these lies something deeper still:
There's something wrong with me…my body, my marriage, my job.
I'm not lovable as I am.
I'll never be enough, no matter what I do.
This is all my fault.
I'm a failure.
These deeper misunderstandings drive our actions and keep the roots of resistance alive. Instead of inviting us to face these fears directly, the ego creates stories that feel so true we lose ourselves in them. It convinces us there's a problem to fix, change, or solve to relieve our suffering.
And yet, as the ego chases solutions and strategies, it overlooks the a foundational truth: There is no problem.
This doesn't mean there aren't real challenges in the world that require your attention and effort—there absolutely are. What it does mean is that the ego's reactive responses often keep you stuck in the very story you want to resolve. The ego's creativity is limited—it sees only the confines of the problem it believes exists.
Turns out, there's a more expansive and effective way to meet the challenges at hand.
Discovering Your Inner Life
The ego operates like a bustling city street—full of sounds, colors, people, and endless distractions. It works hard to keep your focus on the surface, pulling you into a constant loop of doing, fixing, and striving.
But beneath that busy street lies something extraordinary: an ancient city of ruins—a world of wisdom, stillness, and peace. Untouched by the chaos above, it waits to be discovered.
Imagine standing on a noisy street in a modern city, then descending into the ruins beneath. The sounds fade, the air feels different, and a stillness surrounds you.
That's what it's like to drop out of the ego's stories and into the truth of who you are.
Accessing this place requires a radical act: allowing what is—meeting the story of There's something wrong with me or I'm not lovable as I am with curiosity and compassion.
This is the last thing the ego wants because it means letting go of its survival. But in that letting go, something miraculous happens: the illusion of a separate self dissolves, and the truth of who you are emerges.
Unlike physical ruins, where effort is needed to break through concrete and stone, accessing your inner wisdom only requires willingness. A willingness to allow your experience exactly as it is.
Effort is the habit of the ego, but in this case, effort only gets in the way. True peace isn't something to strive for—it's something to surrender into.
The Price of Entry
This process of allowing often doesn't feel good at first. The price of entry is meeting our shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, anger, and hurt. But here's the amazing news: when we sit with our feelings and stuck energy, they don't take long to shift.
Relief is often only 90 seconds away! How incredible is that?
And what we discover on the other side is priceless. The problem that once felt so big dissolves right before our eyes.
When we stay on the surface, we become consumed by the ego's scavenger hunt—chasing the next achievement or solution that promises relief. The ego's actions aren't malicious; it's only trying to help in the way it knows how. Because it can't self-reflect, it seeks external solutions to solve internal discomfort.
But true peace isn't found on the surface. It's accessed by pausing, turning inward, and exploring the ancient city of wisdom within.
From Wanting to Having
This ancient city within is always available. It welcomes you exactly as you are—no fixing, no striving, no judgment.
When we rest in this inner stillness, we step into having. We stop fighting, striving, and seeking. We experience the fullness of life, right here and now. Insights and next steps arise naturally, if needed, guided by Life's care.
This is why wanting gets in the way of having. Wanting keeps us busy on the surface, while having invites us to sink into the truth that everything we seek is already here.
The Ancient Wisdom within you sees beyond the limitations of issues. When you take your real-world challenges to that place, you gain a fresh perspective. This opens the door to new insights, greater creativity, and possibilities you couldn't see before.
For just a few moments this weekend, are you willing to pause the search, meet what's present, and explore the stillness within?
Allow yourself to fully have what's here—your feelings, your experience, your inner wisdom—and notice what unfolds. You might find that everything you've been wanting has been waiting for you all along.
With loving,
Amber
ps: If you're craving a rich, transformative experience of what I'm sharing, reach out. The private retreat package has delivered this in spades for every participant thus far.
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